


Dissonance

by Rian



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Disturbing Themes, First War with Voldemort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 12:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2348135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rian/pseuds/Rian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dissonance (noun): lack of agreement; the inconsistency between the beliefs one holds or between one's actions and one's beliefs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dissonance

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the 2008 round of the Remus/Sirius games on livejournal, for the prompt: "It's not lying if they make you lie. If the only truth they can accept is their own." (QAF)  
> Link to the fic on Livejournal: http://rian219.livejournal.com/270919.html

***  


"No!" Sirius slammed his fist down on the table, making all of them jump. He glared at Peter, who cringed away from the heat of his stare. "Any one of us could have made that mistake. Any one of us. So don't you say that. Don't even fucking think it." He glared at Peter for a moment more, then looked away in disgust, shaking his head and picking up his pint, taking a long pull, then turning back again to speak to the table at large. "None of us are fucking perfect, so don't you expect him to be," he said bitterly. "None of you can say that that would never happen to you, so you can all just fucking shut it."

"He's not accusing Remus of anything, Padfoot, bloody hell. Stop overreacting," James said, the only one brave enough to contradict Sirius in his present mood. "He just said that it could have been bad. And it could have been. Really bad. We're lucky it wasn't."

Sirius stared at him, then got up and walked away without another word, walking straight to the door of the pub and out without looking back once. No one at the table spoke. Peter stared down at the table, his hands gripping his pint glass so hard his knuckles were white. After a moment James swore and sprung up from his seat, almost jogging out the door of the pub. Peter picked up his glass and took a long swallow; as he put the glass down Lily lifted up a hand to pat his shoulder, rubbing it soothingly.

"He'll be fine. Just give him time," she said. "He's just shaken up. We all are."

Peter nodded, keeping his eyes downcast. "Yeah, I know."

Lily sighed and looked towards the door of the pub, watching for James. When he came back in, he looked flustered, dishevelled, as if he'd been running. He caught her eye when he was still in the doorway, and shook his head in response to her raised eyebrows. Lily sighed again and turned her attention back to Peter. He was still clutching his glass like his life depended on it. If only that was all it took.

***  
Remus' breath burned in his lungs as he ran, the muscles in his legs protesting as he weaved in and out of the New Years' crowd. Sirius was running beside him, breathing hard as well, shadowing him as he dodged this way and that. James, Lily and Peter were just ahead of them; Peter kept looking back over his shoulders, his eyes wide with fright.

"Just run, Peter, for fuck's sake!" Sirius yelled the next time he turned around, putting on a burst of speed so he could shove Peter between the shoulder blades, pushing him forward. "They're not going to cast spells in a crowd!"

The lie was given to that within five minutes, when a spell whizzed past Remus' head close enough to ruffle his hair, and another directed between Sirius and Remus missed Peter by millimetres. Peter squeaked, the rest of them swore loudly, and as one, they swerved into a street coming off the one they were on. This time Remus looked back to see the horde of Death Eaters running out of the crowd to follow them. He pointed his wand and sent a stunning spell towards them, not stopping to see if it hit the mark. The next moment Sirius did the same.

"Hey, I..." Remus said breathlessly, looking around as he ran, "I think I know this place. Yeah, I...this way! This way. We can cut through this alley here, to a place we can apparate. Quick, this way." He skidded to a stop and turned down an alleyway to their right; after a moment's hesitation, the others followed, the Death Eaters hot on their trail.

Remus had taken only a few steps to realise that the alley was not the one he thought it was. Ahead of them was a solid brick wall. "Shit! Fuck! This is wrong. It's the wrong one," he panted.

"What? For fuck's sake, Remus!" James was shouting, glaring at him.

"I'm sorry, James! I didn't mean..." Remus was interrupted by another spell ricocheting off the wall ahead of him. He turned to see the Death Eaters closing in on the mouth of the alley, wands at the ready.

There was no time to apparate away. The stood side by side and fought the Death Eaters off, the alley alive with magic from both sides. But the Death Eaters outnumbered them almost two to one, and their defences couldn't hold out forever. First James got hit, then Remus, and Peter got knocked out by a stunning spell of Sirius' that was deflected back on them. Remus fought desperately, as hard as he could, but then Lily was yelling, "Apparate! Apparate now! Remus!", and somebody grabbed his arm and yanked him away.

They collapsed breathless and bleeding onto the floor of the Shack, Peter still unconscious and Lily cradling James in her arms. Sirius was crawling all over Remus, searching for wounds and saying in a shaky voice that was near tears, "You were hit, I saw it. I saw. Where is it? We should go to St Mungo's now. Right now."

Remus could only look at him and try to catch his breath. "I'm sorry," he said. "I made a mistake. I thought it was the right one, I really did, but it must have been the next one. I thought I knew it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"Of course you didn't mean it," Sirius said, frowning as his shaking hands still checked Remus for wounds. "Of course you didn't. You're all right. We're all all right. It's fine. It's all fine."

None of the others said a word.

***  
"Would you stop pacing? It's driving me bloody barmy."

Sirius stopped walking long enough to look out the window, pushing the curtain aside. A cloud of dust puffed out of it and into his face, making him cough. "He has to get here soon. He has to."

"Yeah, well, walking trenches into the floor isn't going to hurry him up," James said, frowning at Sirius and taking his glasses off to wipe them with the hem of his t-shirt. "God, this place is even more of a dump than I remember."

"It never was that nice," Peter replied, sitting down gingerly on the old bed that dominated the room. Another cloud of dust flew up from the bedspread. "And we haven't been here for a while."

"No." Sirius kept looking out the window. Most moons these days were spent in the flat he and Remus shared, every nook and cranny of the place stuffed with silencing spells, protective spells, everything they could think of to ensure that they'd be safe there. Sirius liked doing things that way; while the moon was more exciting roaming free, he liked being able to scoop Remus up in the morning and put him into his own bed, their bed, where he was surrounded by his own things and Sirius could take care of him properly. But this moon was one of the rare times lately when all of them were free, so they'd come to the Shack, Sirius ignoring the churning in his stomach over the darkening sky and the fact that Remus hadn't arrived home yet while he wrote Remus a note, leaving it stuck to the entry way wall where Remus was sure to see it. But here it was, almost dark, and Remus wasn't here. "He has to have seen the note by now," Sirius said. "He has to have."

"Maybe he still isn't home," Peter said, flinching as Sirius turned around to stare at him. "I mean…I'm sure he's home, it's just…maybe he's just getting some stuff together. Clothes and things."

"Hmm." Sirius turned around to look out the window again. The last shreds of sunlight were disappearing over the horizon. Remus would be starting to feel the pull of the moon by then, if he were there. Doubtless he was feeling the pull of it wherever he was.

James' voice came from behind him. "We're running out of time, Padfoot."

Sirius didn't turn around. "No, we've still got time. Let's wait just a little longer. Just a bit longer."

James didn't say anything else. The room, always gloomy, got ever darker, and the moon appeared in the sky, big and bright and bathing everything in a silvery glow. James went to sit next to Peter on the bed, but Sirius didn't move from the window.

***  
Remus sat slumped against a tree in New Forest, his knees tucked up against his chest. His whole body ached, feeling the pull of the approaching moon. His stomach churned, anxiety tightening his chest and making it hard for him to breathe. He wasn't even supposed to be there; he hadn't known until he'd got amongst them that the alpha of the pack he'd been trying to infiltrate was a hard-core follower of Voldemort, and highly suspicious, meaning that Remus had had to exercise the utmost care in his dealings. This dragged the whole thing out, taking twice as long as it should have, but this pack was an important one, so he'd persisted, and was now going to suffer for it. His thoughts turned to Sirius, waiting for him at home, worrying no doubt, but there was nothing he could do about that now.

Suddenly the call came to move, and Remus got up slowly, assuming that they were going to move further into the Hampshire wilderness. Distracted by the ache in his body and the oncoming moon, he didn't realize that the trees were thinning out until he saw the twinkling lights of a town in the distance.

"Where are we going?" he asked the werewolf next to him, a girl of about his age that had a perpetually haunted look about her.

She gestured towards the town. "Down into town."

Remus' blood ran cold. "Down into town? But aren't we supposed to be going away from town?"

She shook her head. "Not tonight we're not. Tonight we're going for a run. The others are coming too." She gestured again, ahead of them, and Remus saw other werewolves emerging from the trees, falling into step with them.

"But…there'll be people in town." A dangerous thing to say in his present company, but he couldn't help himself. "What if they're out on the street?"

The girl just shrugged. "They won't be, if they know what's good for them."

Remus walked a few more steps, the ache in his bones getting stronger with every foot of ground he covered. The lights of the town ahead were getting brighter too, and he started to see cows and sheep and other signs of domesticity. He started to walk slower, dropping back to the rear of the pack, letting everyone get ahead of him before turning around. He ran then, ran as fast as his legs could carry him back into the forest. Skidding around a tree, he almost took a tumble down a small hill on the other side; as he slid down it he saw, built back into the hillside, a little man-made cave: a camping shelter, if the little fire pit at the entrance was anything to go by. Remus threw himself inside it, gasping for breath, casting as many cloaking and shielding spells as he could on all sides of the place, hoping in his last few seconds of conscious thought that it would hold throughout the night.

He woke up at dawn shaking and in a pool of his own blood, blinking against the watery dawn light seeping into the mouth of the cave. His spells had held. He put down his head again and slept, relief flooding through him. It was a full day before he could manage to heal himself enough to make it home.

He'd barely closed the door before Sirius started on him.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

Remus sighed. "Sirius, please. I've been on a mission. Can't I sit down?"

Sirius was glaring at him. He didn't move from Remus' path. "Been on a mission where?"

"You know I can't tell you that…"

"Bullshit, Remus!" Sirius interrupted. "You can tell me, you just choose not to. Tell me where you've been!"

"I can't, Sirius. Dumbledore said not to."

Sirius looked like he was about to punch him. "That's bullshit. Everyone tells, everyone, except you. You never fucking say anything. Not a fucking thing. Where were you? You were away for the moon. We waited for you. We all waited, and you never came."

Remus sighed again. "I know, look, I…I got held up, all right? Things took longer than I expected."

Sirius looked away and bit his lip. "What things? Where were you during the moon? Tell me."

"Didn't I just answer that? I told you. I can't say."

Sirius didn't look at him. "Were you in Hampshire?"

Remus' stomach dropped. "What?"

"It's a simple question, Remus. Were you in Hampshire?"

Remus looked away, trying to give himself time to decide whether he should say yes or not. He wished he'd thought to go and see Dumbledore before coming home, so he'd know how much to admit. His gaze drifted to the dining room table, and caught on what must have been that day's Daily Prophet. The photo on the front was of a sleepy little town, unremarkable but for the headline above it, which read "You-Know-Who's Werewolves Rampage Through Hampshire Town."

Remus knew then that it didn't matter what his answer was. Sirius had already decided where he'd been, and what he'd been doing. He took a moment to collect himself, then pushed past Sirius, trying not to show how much pain he was in from his wounds. "I need to shower and get some sleep."

Sirius didn't say another word. When Remus got out of the shower Sirius was gone, and Remus wasn't surprised. He slept for a few hours, then went to see Dumbledore to report on his mission. When he got back, all of Sirius' things were gone as well. The Daily Prophet was still on the table. Remus stood in the kitchen dangling the front page of the Prophet over the kitchen sink, setting it on fire with his wand and watching it burn to a cinder in front of his eyes.

***  
Sirius stood behind a tree to watch the service, positioning himself so that Remus' back was to him. Remus stood at the foot of the graves, his head bowed. There were other people gathered there, some Muggles, clustering around the graveside. So Remus wasn't alone, but no one stood near enough to touch him.

The official story was a gas leak, that's what the Muggles had been told. A plausible explanation for why a perfectly healthy couple in the prime of their lives would have been found lying dead in their house by well-meaning neighbours who wondered why they weren't picking up their mail. Remus hadn't been at the Order meeting where Dumbledore had told them what had really happened. Sirius didn't care to speculate why. He'd given up trying to keep track of Remus' whereabouts a long time ago.

He stayed until the service was over, and watched Remus walking away, his shoulders slumped and his head still downcast. By that time it was raining, storm clouds having chased the sun away, but Remus didn't seem to notice. Sirius was just about to give in and go to him when he saw two men step from behind a mausoleum as Remus passed by it, walking quickly to catch up to him. Sirius waited long enough to see Rosier put a hand on the back of Remus' neck and lean in, as if to draw him close, before disapparating, Peter's words of two nights ago echoing in his ears.

"That's what they do, though, isn't it? If there's a chance you might stray from the path. We've all heard about it. They take everyone away from you, so you're all alone, so you've got no one else, only them. That's how they make you loyal to them." He took a sip of his pint while Sirius and James stayed silent. "I mean, we've all heard that's how they do things, right?"

Neither James nor Sirius answered him; James caught Sirius' eye for a moment, but Sirius looked away, picking up his own pint to take a sip. He could barely swallow his beer around the lump in his throat.

***  
The sky was bright overhead, shining into Remus' eyes as he stood at the end of the open graves, the wind ruffling his hair. On the horizon there were thick black clouds, threatening a late spring storm. Remus wasn't watching them; he wasn't looking at anything or anyone except the graves in front of him. He'd chosen dark brown for his father's coffin, the same colour of the wood panelling in the study that he'd had when Remus was little. They used to sit together in that room, all of them, Remus sitting in front of the fire or on his mother's lap while his father told him stories, fairytales that Remus knew off by heart, but still insisted his father tell over and over again. If his father wasn't telling him stories, then he was curled up on his mother's lap while she read to him, her gentle voice soothing him to sleep, comforting him after the long nights of the moon. He'd chosen a honey-coloured coffin for his mother, a bright colour to match the colour of her hair and the clothes she used to wear.

Remus looked up finally, to see the clouds inching ever closer. The minister droned on, meaningless words that meant nothing to him, but seemed to be a comfort to the other mourners. He could have counted them all on one hand, but he was glad for every one of them. Not a single one of them was a wizard, but it didn't matter to Remus who they were. His parents hadn't deserved to have no friends because of him.

The ceremony over, the little crowd began to disperse, filing past Remus to pat his shoulder, squeeze his arm or offer him some more meaningless words. No one hugged him. The minister was the last, shaking Remus' hand and offering even more meaningless platitudes, capping it all off with an invitation to next Sunday's service. Remus nodded and smiled and said he'd try to attend, and then he was alone.

He stayed at his parents' graves until the gravediggers came, casting nervous looks at him as they started to work. He left once he could no longer see the coffins, turning and walking away without looking back. The clouds were overhead now, and as he walked it started to rain, big, fat drops that hit his head and shoulders with an audible plop. He'd not taken twenty steps before two figures fell in beside him, one on either side.

"Well, well. Lupin. Fancy meeting you here," said the man on his left.

"Yes. What a coincidence," said the man on his right. "Much like a gas leak, hmm?" He tut-tutted, shaking his head. "These Muggles, their construction is so shoddy. So many tragedies that could have been avoided by proper attention to craftsmanship."

"Why don't you fuck off, Rosier?" Remus said calmly. "You too, Avery. I'm never going to do what you want, no matter how many members of my family you murder."

Rosier's hand clamped down on the back of Remus' neck, his fingers digging in. "That's because you're a fucking idiot," Rosier hissed, leaning close. "And you don't have any family left for us to kill. More's the pity." His fingers tightened on Remus' neck again. "Your parents, they were good ones, too. You should have heard your mother scream when we…"

Remus whipped his wand out and wrenched away from them, almost knocking Avery into the dust. Avery yelled, "Watch out!" but Rosier didn't need the warning; Remus fired off the curse into empty air, Rosier and Avery apparating away in the blink of an eye. The spell hit a tree, blasting the bark to smithereens and leaving the wood beneath blackened and blistered. Remus looked around, breathing hard, but there was no one around. He hadn't even checked for that before he'd got his wand out. He put his wand away, waited until his breathing had calmed, then disapparated.

***  
Sirius apparated right into the middle of the Potters' living room. Peter was already there. Sirius stared round at them all, breathing hard, as if he'd just run a marathon. "Have you heard?"

James nodded. "Yeah, we've heard."

Surely it's not true," Lily said, as Harry wriggled in her arms and leaned towards Sirius, reaching for him. "It can't be true."

"It's true," James said. "Doge was at the Ministry when they brought him in, apparently. Saw him with his own eyes."

Sirius shook his head, reaching out to take Harry's hand. "I don't...no. It can't be. Working for them is one thing, but this...No. He wouldn't."

"We thought he wouldn't work for You-Know-Who either," Peter said tentatively. "He's a pretty good liar, isn't he? He's probably lied to us all along. We don't really know what he'd do."

There was silence for a good few minutes, punctured only by Harry's quiet burblings. Then Sirius shook his head. "No. No, this is wrong. He wouldn't lie to us. He wouldn't lie to me. I...he wouldn't lie to me."

"Except that he has," James pointed out. "He lied to you all the time about his missions. That's why you broke up, remember?"

Sirius didn't have an answer for that.

***  
"It's like a soup kitchen," the werewolf was saying to him. "If you turn up there they'll give you food, and sometimes a blanket if you ask for it."

Remus frowned. It seemed too good to be true. "Who runs it?"

The werewolf ran his hand through his hair and moved from one foot to another, as if he couldn't stand still. "It's a husband and wife, both wizards. They...their daughter or someone was a werewolf, I think, so that's why they do it. To help people like her."

"Right. Okay." Remus still wasn't sure about it, but he'd had to leave the halfway house he'd been staying at three days before, and he hadn't had a proper meal since then. "And it's not affiliated with anyone? It's not a Ministry thing, or...aligned with anyone else?"

The werewolf shook his head, still moving from foot to foot. "No, it's totally independent. It's good, you should try it. You look like you need a good feed."

Remus flushed. "I could say the same about you."

The werewolf smiled, but it was more like a grimace. "Yeah, well, I might just go and get one tonight. I'll probably see you there."

"Yeah, right." Remus nodded. "Probably."

Remus wasn't going to go that night, but it really had been days since he'd had a decent meal, and his growling stomach directed his feet. He went round the back of the house, like he'd been told to, and the back door was open, like he'd been told it would be. He stood on the doorstep for a moment, feeling weird about just walking into a stranger's house, but the light spilling out onto the back step was warm and inviting, and there was a tantalising smell of roasted meat drifting out through the open door that was too much for him to resist. He stepped over the threshold, not surprised to feel the crackle of magic in the doorway; people that helped werewolves needed to protect themselves on all sides these days.

He took a couple of steps down the hallway, then decided to call out and announce his presence. "Hello?"

There was no answer. He walked further down the hall, following the smell of the food. He heard no movement, no voices, no clattering of cutlery against plates, and when he rounded the corner into the kitchen he saw why.

There was a pot of vegetables on the stove, a leg of lamb roasting in the oven, and a dead man on the floor. The man was twisted, bent out of shape and unnatural, sightless eyes staring at the ceiling. Beyond him, in the living room, Remus could see a woman, and a little girl. All dead. All without a single mark on them.

Remus didn't touch them, he didn't touch anything. He briefly debated calling the police, but it wasn't the police that were needed here. He headed out the way he'd come, quickly, almost running now, only to be thrown backwards as if he'd hit a brick wall when he tried to leave the house. He tried again, more slowly this time, but got the same result. He tried breaking the magic with spells of his own, but nothing he tried made the slightest difference. He was still standing at the door when he heard voices on the other side, far away still, but coming ever closer. The Aurors had arrived.

He swore and retreated back down the hallway and up the stairs, running down the upstairs hallway to a bedroom at the end; the little girl's room. Looking out her window he could see down into the yard, he could see the group of Aurors gathered at the back door, could watch them entering the house. Their voices grew louder; louder still when they found the bodies. Remus calmed himself as much as he could, concentrating hard so he could apparate away, but nothing happened. He tried again, still nothing. He couldn't apparate. He was trapped.

He went to the girl's window and tried to open it, but it too was locked down. He reached for his wand as he heard a heavy tread on the stairs and tried blasting the window open, but whatever the spell on it was held fast. All he achieved was to bring the Aurors running. He was turning, stepping towards the door, when it was kicked open and there was shouting and spells flying everywhere. Remus didn't even have a chance to surrender before the stunning spell brought him down.

***  
Sirius got up off James' hearth and brushed the legs of his trousers off as Dumbledore's head disappeared from the fireplace. James came to the door of the living room. "What did he say?"

"He wants me to go down there," Sirius answered. "He thinks it might make a difference."

"Are you going to go?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, I'll go. I don't know that I've got a choice."

James nodded. "Want me to come with you?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, I'll be all right. I won't be long."

James nodded again, expecting Sirius to make his goodbyes, but Sirius stayed where he was, staring down at the fire.

"You should probably go."

"Yeah, I know." Sirius kept looking at the fire. "I will. In a minute."

***  
The manacles they had him in were too tight, the metal digging into his wrists. "Look, I told you, I found them that way. Check my wand, you'll see there's no killing curse there."

The Auror sitting across the table from him shook his head. "Good in theory, Lupin, but not so good in practice. That family weren't killed by any curse. Their necks were broken." He paused. "The neck of that little girl was broken. Her head was almost snapped clean off."

Remus shook his head. "I didn't kill them, I told you. I didn't touch them. I was set up."

"Oh, yeah?" The Auror was smiling now, mocking him. "And who set you up?"

"Death Eaters. Death Eaters set me up."

"Oh, yeah?" the Auror said again. "Interesting. Got any proof of that?" He raised his eyebrows, and only started speaking when it was clear Remus wasn't going to. "Because the word on the street is that you are a Death Eater, my friend, and I can't think of why they would set up one of their own."

Remus dropped his gaze. "I'm not a Death Eater."

The Auror laughed. "Yeah, right. That's what they all say."

Just then the door opened, and another Auror walked in, bending down to whisper in his interrogator's ear, who stood up, then turned to Remus. "I'll be back in a minute. Don't you move."

Given that Remus was chained to his seat, that was rather a useless thing to say. Both Aurors left the room, and Remus was left alone. Just when he was starting to wonder what the hell was going on, the door opened again, and someone totally unexpected walked through it.

Remus stared. "Sirius! What...what are you doing here?"

Sirius didn't answer him straight away, giving Remus time to look at him. He looked pale, and a little thin, and tired, but there was just enough emotion in his eyes to make a spark of hope ignite in Remus' chest. If Sirius still cared enough for him to be upset about this, then maybe he'd try to get him out of it, maybe he'd tell them that there was no way that Remus would have done what they said, that there was no way he could have. Remus smiled at him tentatively. "Sirius, I..."

"Look, Remus, just tell them the truth, okay?" Sirius interrupted. "Tell them everything, give them some names, and then maybe they'll go easy on you. We know that Voldemort's offering werewolves a lot, and we know that must be hard to resist, so no one's blaming you, not really. We know they probably forced you to kill those people. All that will be taken into account, if you just cooperate. Just give us some names, tell us the sorts of things you've been doing for them, and things will be better for you."

Remus stared at Sirius for a moment, then looked away, down at the table. "So, um..." He stopped, tears welling up behind his eyes and clogging his throat. He fought them back, and looked up at Sirius again. "Right, so...you want the names of the people I've been working with. Death Eater names."

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. It'll be better for you if you give us something to work with."

"Right. Of course." He'd known that Sirius suspected him of not always doing the right thing, of course, he'd have to have been blind not to know that, but he'd thought that when push came to shove Sirius would know, deep down, that he didn't have it in him to be a Death Eater. But apparently not. He nodded. "Right. Well...okay. Get...you better get those Aurors back in here then. I've got a lot to tell them."

***  
"What do you think he'll get?"

Sirius shrugged. He really didn't want to think about it. "I don't know. Hopefully now he's confessed and given them some names to work with, he'll get a lighter sentence."

James nodded, then looked at his watch. "Where the hell is Peter?"

***  
Dumbledore sat across a table from him, somewhere in the bowels of the Beast and Beings Division of the Ministry. He'd escaped immediate imprisonment in Azkaban only because beasts of his calibre required magically-strengthened cages. Apparently, Azkaban wasn't really equipped for holding werewolves; normally they were shot on sight instead. But Remus' case was special.

"This does not have to happen."

Remus reached up to scratch his nose, the chains holding his wrists together rattling against the edge of the table, loud in the quiet room. He looked at Dumbledore for a moment in silence. Yes, it does. No one believes me when I tell the truth. I've got nothing and no one anymore, and I'm tired. I'm tired and I want to stop. It's too hard, and I don't want to do it anymore.

The moments ticked by, but Dumbledore didn't look away from him, nor did he prompt Remus for a reply. Eventually Remus gave in. "Yes, it does." He looked away for a moment to the guards standing at the door, but they just stared straight ahead, acting as if he wasn't there. He looked back at Dumbledore. "I'm a Death Eater, and I have been almost from the beginning. I've been lying to you all. I've killed more wizards and Muggles than I can count, and I'm proud of it. They deserved to die, every one of them."

Dumbledore sat looking at him, saying nothing. Remus' heart was pounding, and he wanted to cry, but he didn't look away from Dumbledore's face. He only hoped that when he was dead he wouldn't care so much about what everyone thought of him. I would have died rather than be a traitor. I wasn't one. I don't know who was, but it wasn't me. Hopefully you still know that. I would never hurt Harry, not in a million years. I wish they'd realised that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.

As soon as Remus finished that thought, Dumbledore nodded abruptly and looked away, clearing his throat before looking back. "Is there anything else?"

Remus shook his head. He'd have liked to be buried next to his parents, but he wasn't going to ask that. He couldn't, after just telling Dumbledore he was a Death Eater. There would probably be nothing left of him to bury after they'd finished with him anyway, and besides that he couldn't afford a burial. Even a token headstone next to them would be too expensive for him. "No, there's nothing else."

Dumbledore nodded. "Very well." He stood and stepped toward Remus, but the guard stepped forward and put out his hand. "You can't approach the prisoner, Headmaster. He's a dangerous creature."

Dumbledore looked the guard up and down, then looked back at Remus. "His arms are chained to his ankles, my boy. What do you think he's going to be able to do?"

The guard blushed. "Even so, sir, you can't approach him."

Dumbledore frowned, then looked at Remus, his expression clearing as they looked at each other. "Right. Well, goodbye, Remus."

Remus nodded, but didn't say anything. Dumbledore walked to the door without looking back.

His sentencing was handed down the next day. They asked him if there was anyone he wanted to write to, a last goodbye, but he was fairly sure that the people he wanted to write to wouldn't accept a letter from him anyway. He'd made his bed, and now he was going to lie in it. In a way, he was relieved that there was no last reprieve, even as he hoped for one.

The crowd was bigger than he'd expected, and that made him nervous, but he steeled himself and walked steadily up to the gallows. They'd decided to hang him, so as to make him less of a beast and more of an example to those wizards who thought that Voldemort's was the winning side, but still Walden McNair was waiting for him, a last nod to his animal side. The crowd jeered and catcalled, but Remus stood straight and tall, looking out at them. He scanned the crowd, unable to help looking for people he knew and seeing none, until a dark head pushed its way to the front of the crowd, right in front of him. That person was pale and a little thin, and looked tired, just like he'd looked the last time Remus had seen him. He wasn't jeering like the rest of the crowd. Remus fought back tears at the sight of him, determined not to cry.

Minister Bagnold cleared her throat. "Remus Lupin, you have been sentenced to death by hanging for the murder of wizards and Muggles both, in the service of You-Know-Who. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

Remus didn't take his eyes off Sirius as the crowd's jeering got louder. "Just that I…I'm sorry," he said, as loudly as he could.

The booing from the crowd was deafening. Minister Bagnold cleared her throat again, then said. "Yes, well. Right. Mr McNair, prepare the prisoner, if you please."

McNair pulled Remus back roughly, putting a hood over his head and moving him onto the trap door, putting the thick, rough noose around his neck. Remus' legs felt like jelly; he started to cry, silently, the hood protecting him from scornful eyes. He had no warning, no shout or clanging bell telling him it was going to happen, and no chance to draw breath before the trapdoor opened beneath him. The crowd cheered, delighted, but Remus didn't hear them, his neck snapping with an audible crack when his weight pulled the rope taut.

***  
Sirius apparated straight into Harry's room, hoisting the child out of his playpen and into his arms before collapsing onto the floor. He hugged Harry to him tightly, sobbing into his hair so hard he could barely catch his breath. It wasn't long before there was movement in the doorway and Sirius felt warmth at his back as Lily lay down behind him, putting her arms around both of them and hugging them tightly, her tears wetting the back of Sirius' neck. Then James was there, lying down in front of him, his arm covering Lily's across Harry and Sirius, his own tears mingling with Sirius' in Harry's hair.

***  
Crammed into McGonagall's tiny sitting room, the Order of the Phoenix had never been in such an uproar. Everyone was talking over everyone else, no one listening to a word anyone said. Until Dumbledore spoke.

"It doesn't really matter what happened," he said, "The fact remains that the mission was discovered, and there is only one way that could have happened."

"But how can this be?" Elphias Doge asked. "The likelihood of there being two spies in the Order is slim at best, surely, Dumbledore."

"I agree completely, Elphias." Dumbledore's voice was calm. He stood on McGonagall's hearth, staring into the fire, his back to them. "There was only ever one spy in the Order."

The room erupted again, but Dumbledore held up his hand for silence. "There is only one possible way this could be, and that way is this: Remus Lupin was not the spy. Nor, might I add, was he ever a Death Eater."

This time, there was silence; stunned silence, filled with tension that you could have cut with a knife, that was broken only by heavy footsteps and the slamming of a door, as Sirius stormed out.

***  
Sirius knelt at the foot of Remus' grave in the moonlight, the light glinting off the inscription on his headstone. "Remus John Lupin, 1960-1981. Beloved son."

It should have said so much more.

There were footsteps behind him, soft in the grass but still audible. Sirius scrubbed at his face with the ball of his fist.

"Dumbledore said we should do the spell tonight," James said from behind him. "It's time."

Sirius nodded, but didn't move. "Okay."

"Do you still want to do it? It's okay if you don't. We could get Peter to do it."

Sirius didn't reply. He couldn't stop the thoughts whirling around in his head. Remus wasn't the spy, and he hadn't been a Death Eater. I'm just saying that it could have been really bad...We've all heard about it...That's how they make you loyal to them...That's how they do things…He always was a pretty good liar…He's probably lied to us all along...

"Sirius?" James stepped closer. "Do you want me to ask Peter instead?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, don't ask Peter, I'll do it." He wiped his face again and then stood, taking a last look at Remus' grave before turning to James. "Let's go and do this. Then I've got some business to attend to. Do you know where Peter is tonight?"

James nodded. "Yeah, he should be at home. Why?"

Sirius shook his head, smiling slightly. "No reason. I'll tell you later."


End file.
